Slash
by Revenge4Love
Summary: See what the characters think
1. Slash debate

Disclaimer: I do not own any HP character (or J. K Rowling), yet. But one day I shall own them all, MUHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Co-written with Kate's cousin, coz she not 13 yet!

Chapter one: The debate.

Announcer: Here for the first ever slash debate, your hostess J. K creator of HP Rowling.

*J.K Rowling walks in and crowd cheers so loudly a window breaks, but nobody notices*

J.K Rowling: hello and welcome to the first annual slash debate. 

*Crowd cheers* Nameless person no1: Go J.K! You da bomb!

J.K Rowling: Without further ado here are the For slashes team. Hermione Ganger, *Hermione walks in wearing skanky clothes* Fred Weasley*Fred walks in and all the girls cheer* and Angelina Johnson *Comes in snogs Fred then snogs Hermione. Crowd is not impressed!*

Nameless person no 2: That is sick!

J.K Rowling: Now, the against slashes team Draco Malfoy, *Draco walks in and all the girls cheer more loudly than they cheered for J.K Rowling* George Weasley*George walks in and all the girls cheer* and Minerva McGonagall *Walks in, everyone gasps coz she looks like a hippie*

McGonagall: Peace to ya'll!

J.K Rowling: first up is Hermione Granger! *All the boys cheer*

Hermione: I think slashes are good coz yous can be with different peoplez. Yeah, dats all I have to sayz! My pointz is slashes rulez!

Nameless person no 3: I thought you were smart

Hermione: well you though wrong, nameless person no 3.

Nameless person no 3: you want a piece of me! 

Crowd of nameless people: J.K! J.K! *like in Jerry Springer, where they chant his name, but here they're chanting J.K*

*Security comes and pulls the two girls away*

J.K Rowling: Now it time for Draco Malfoy!*All the girls cheer*

Draco: I think slashes suck because most of slashes are with two people of the same gender. You people sicken me!

Crowd of nameless girls: He's right! We're sick! Hooray! Lets go write more Harry/Draco slashes!

Draco: Didn't you moronic girls hear me, I hate slashes! You're all desperate sluts! 

Crowd of nameless girls: *Cheer*

*Draco walks of muttering darkly*

J.K Rowling: Next is Fred Weasley... *waits for a minute but all the people at the for slashes table seemed to have disappeared. J.K Rowling walks over and looks behind the table...* You don't want to know what's happening there! So lets bring out a person against slashes, Minerva McGonagall.

Minerva: People instead of writing slashes, you should be saving the whales or trying to save the environment. Save the planet! Save the whales! Become a hippie today! *Minerva is still yelling as people in white lab coats take her away* 

J.K Rowling: since this program is run so badly, we have no more time. So we'll leave you with a poem.

Announcer: No poems

J.K Rowling: Then we'll leave you with some disturbing images of Hermione, Fred and Angelina.

Announcer: sorry but this is a story, not a TV.

J.K Rowling: Fine, I'm outa here!

*Once J.K Rowling is gone Dobby's cousin and Kate's cousin run onto the stage*.

Dobby's cousin: Next chapters are gonna be a slash survey 

Kate's cousin: enjoy!

R&R


	2. Harry Potter

First character. 

*Dobby's cousin and Kate's cousin lead Harry Potter into a room which they say has his old nimbus in it*

Dobby's cousin: It's right in here.*opens door*

Kate's cousin: Oh no, the light switch is on the other side *the room is pitch black*

Harry: are you sure my nimbus is in here?

Dobby's cousin: what do I care. *shoves Harry into the room and locks the door* Do the survey!

*Light turns on and Harry sees a piece of paper on a table*

Harry: Okay 

Survey

Name: Harry Potter

Kinky nickname: I don't have one! and if I did what's it too you?

Slashes you'd hope weren't just a slash: With Cho, Ginny or any chick that looks cute. 

Slashes you hate: Harry/Draco ones! People, I'm begging you stop writing them! PLEASE!

"Fave" HP characters: Ginny. Ron better not read this!

"Fave" real people: Piper (from charmed). I really want a slash with her. OH NO! IT DOESN'T ERASE! AGGHHH MY SECRET IS OUT!

Have the authors ever revealed any real life slashes about you: They revealed about me and Ginny. I'm not telling you which one, coz it's an R rated slash! 

Do they portray you well in slashes: No!

If slashes stopped what would you miss most: I wouldn't miss anything, but the good-looking chicks.

Do you prefer...

Cho or Ginny: Ginny. Ron you're not going to read this!

R rated slashes or others: others. R rated slashes are extremely sick, but others can be just sick

Pretty or hot: pretty, though Ginny is pretty...ugly. I think I'll make this survey Ron proof.

Human or cheese: really now that is sick! I prefer human

Guy or girl: Girl. THIS IS REALLY ANNOYING ME!

Wadda ya have to say to da authoresses...

Dobby's cousin: you are sick and twisted!

Kate's cousin: why do hang out with such a twisted person as Dobby's cousin!

*Kate's cousin opens the door and give the survey to Dobby's cousin, who gives it to Ron, who kills Harry*

Dobby's cousin: hi ho the witch is dead *starts singing and Kate's cousin joins in*

J.K Rowling: *brings Harry back to life and smirks at Kate's cousin and Dobby's cousin*.

Authoresses notes.

Dobby's cousin: Die Harry die!

Kate's cousin: Yeah, die!


	3. Hermione Granger

Second character. 

*Dobby's cousin and Kate's cousin lead Hermione Granger into a room where they say Eminem is hiding *

Dobby's cousin: He's right in here.*opens door*

Kate's cousin: Oh no, the light switch is on the other side *the room is pitch black*

Hermione: Is he there

Dobby's cousin: tricked ya. *shoves Hermione into the room and locks the door* Do the survey!

*Light turns on and Hermione sees a piece of paper on a table*

Hermione: Let me out!

Kate's cousin: do the survey

Hermione: NO!

Dobby's cousin: Do it or we'll kill Draco

Hermione: *sits down and starts doing the survey in record amounts of speed 

Survey

Name: Hermione Granger

Kinky nickname: Mione

Slashes you'd hope weren't just a slash: With Draco Malfoy *drools on parchment* 

Slashes you hate: I don't hate any slashes except ones where I have to seem like such a smart person, I mean I like seaming smart, but it's not everything. Voldemort told me that, then he went on and on about world domination, honestly, stop trying to take over the world and get a girlfriend. 

"Fave" HP characters: Draco. I bet Harry would be upset, he always liked me.

"Fave" real people: Eminem.

Have the authors ever revealed any real life slashes about you: Some, but they're not the ones I like. 

Do they portray you well in slashes: What does the word portray mean, I can't read words that are seven letters or longer.

If slashes stopped what would you miss most: I would miss Draco, but then I would become a slut, so it would even out, either way.

Do you prefer...

Harry or Fred: Harry. He not just my friend.

R rated slashes or others: it's all fine with me.

Pretty or hot: hot. Like Draco

Human or cheese: I haven't tried cheese, thanks for the suggestion 

Guy or girl: don't care

Wadda ya have to say to da authoresses...

Dobby's cousin: Don't kill Draco! 

Kate's cousin: stop her from killing Draco!

*Kate's cousin opens the door and give the survey to Dobby's cousin, who give it to Malfoy, who screams and faints*

Hermione: HE'S DEAD*starts giving Malfoy mouth to mouth resuscitation*

Authoresses notes.

Dobby's cousin: Hermione, get over yourself!

Kate's cousin: You do realise, though you're a slut you won't be able to screw Malfoy!


	4. Draco Malfoy

Third character.

*Dobby's cousin and Kate's cousin lead Draco into a room which they say has coffee' in it*

Dobby's cousin: It's right in here. *opens door and looks bored*

Kate's cousin: Get in *shoves Draco into pitch black room*

Dobby's cousin and Kate's cousin: do the survey *light comes on and Draco sees a piece of paper on a table*

Draco: why

Dobby's cousin: coz if you don't we'll send a crazed fan girl on you

Kate's cousin: Or we could tell that fan girl convention, in the next room, where you are.

Voices from next room: DRACO! DRACO! DRACO!

*Draco sits down and starts doing the survey*

Survey

Name: Draco Malfoy

Kinky nickname: Ferret, wait I didn't mean that. OH CRAP! IT DON'T RUB OUT!

Slashes you'd hope weren't just a slash: Hmm... none!

Slashes you hate: Mostly all of them.

"Fave" HP characters: Me... wait, that word looks dodgy. 

"Fave" real people: Hmm... none. Wow I'm actually quiet boring.

Have the authors ever revealed any real life slashes about you: They did one, but that's all in the past. WHY MINI WHY!

Do they portray you well in slashes: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no and no... did I mention NO!

If slashes stopped what would you miss most: nothing

Do you prefer...

Cho or Ginny: Cho's stupid and Mini Weasel is just plain ugly

R rated slashes or others: others. I've seen one too many Me and Potter slashes, so I've lost my liking for R rated slashes.

Pretty or hot: Hey, I'm not forced to do this! I choose not to! 

Human or cheese: Human. I'm getting very bad mental picture, so next question

Guy or girl: Why does everyone think I'm gay!? I choose girl! Now I'm getting worse mental pictures!

Wadda ya have to say to da authoresses...

Dobby's cousin: I hope you fall of a cliff and live in pain and agony ever after!

Kate's cousin: I hope that you were drunk when you wrote this thing, you were so... normal... before

*Kate's cousin opens the door and give the survey to Dobby's cousin, who opens the door of the next room and Draco fan girls come streaming out*

Clan of fan girls: DRACO! DRACO! DRACO!*chase Draco out*

Authoresses notes.

Dobby's cousin: Why wasn't Ani there?

Kate's cousin: She was in the fan club meeting and the only girl there.


	5. Ginny Weasley

Forth character. 

*Dobby's cousin and Kate's cousin lead Ginny Weasley into a room where they say the new Harry Potter fan club is meeting*

Dobby's cousin: He's right in here.*opens door*

Ginny: it's too dark

Dobby's cousin: get in!

*Light turns on and Ginny sees a piece of paper on a table*

Ginny: Let me out!

Kate's cousin: do the survey

Ginny: fine*starts survey* 

Survey

Name: Virginia Weasley

Kinky nickname: Ginny

Slashes you'd hope weren't just a slash: Not telling, you'll laugh at me.

Slashes you hate: All of them, I hate everything!

"Fave" HP characters: Lavender... that doesn't sound good. NOT GOOD! IT DOESN'T RUB OUT! RUB OUT, GOD DAMN IT!

"Fave" real people: Hmmm... I'd have to say Orlando Bloom

Have the authors ever revealed any real life slashes about you: Of course not! Why are you looking at me so suspiciously? It wasn't true! NOT TRUE! OKAY IT IS TRUE, SO WHAT? NO ONE WAS MEANT TO KNOW! OKAY I ADMIT IT THE RUMOURS ABOUT ME AND DRACO ARE TRUE! 

Do they portray you well in slashes: No!

If slashes stopped what would you miss most: I wouldn't miss anything, because I'm the one that gets the bad publicity! Why me *starts crying* 

Do you prefer...

Harry or Fred: Harry. You people are so sick it's not funny!

R rated slashes or others: other. They get less ad publicity.

Pretty or hot: hot.

Human or cheese: Human and I'm going to keep it that way

Guy or girl: Guy

Wadda ya have to say to da authoresses...

Dobby's cousin: Really sick and twisted. What have you done to Kate's cousin, she is now warped and sick like you.

Kate's cousin: Save yourself from her! Oh no, you have become a sick and twisted monster just like her. It is terrible

*Kate's cousin opens the door and give the survey to Dobby's cousin, who reads it*

Dobby's cousin: Oi Harry and Draco! Ginny luvs you!*passes the survey to Harry and Draco, who turn and run*

Authoresses notes.

Dobby's cousin: Ginny has some pretty bad publicity, but it's funny to see her suffer

Kate's cousin: Sorry Ginny but we hate you!


End file.
